If I die and go to hell real soon
It will appear to me as this room
And for eternity, I'd lay in bed
In my boxers, half stoned
With a pillow under my head

I'd be chatting on the interweb
Maggots pray upon the living dead
I had no interest in the things she said
On the phone every day
I'll permanently hit the hay, hey

I called her on the phone and she touched herself
She touched herself
She touched herself
I called her on the phone and she touched herself
I laughed myself to sleep

At this rate
I'll be heading for electric chairs
I'm only human with my cross to bear
When she described her underwear
I forgot all the rules my rabbi taught me in the old shul

You're too young to be this empty girl
I'll prepare you for a sick, dark world
Know that you will be my downfall
But I call, and I call, and I call

I called her on the phone and she touched herself
She touched herself
She touched herself
I called her on the phone and she touched herself
I laughed myself to sleep

I don't know what I want
I don't know what I want
I don't know what I want
I don't know what I want
I don't know what I want (met you on the internet)
I don't know what I want (then I lied about it)
I don't know what I want (met you on the internet)
I don't know what I want (then I lied about it)

I called her on the phone and she touched herself
She touched herself
She touched herself
I called her on the phone and she touched herself
I laughed myself to sleep

(Whoa!)
I called her on the phone and she touched herself (whoa)
She touched herself (whoa)
She touched herself (whoa)
Called her on the phone and she touched herself (whoa)
I laughed myself to sleep